You made me cry and you don't even care
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
