My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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