I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
