You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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