I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
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