It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
