Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
