i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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