I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
