everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
