Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
