also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
