You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
