i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
