So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
