I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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