It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i think im in europe. pls send help
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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