I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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