My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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