I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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