At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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