Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
