fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
