He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
