You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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