Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
