R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
