Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
