An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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