I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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