Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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