I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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