Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
