If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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