Got a toothbrush?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You may now shotgun with the bride
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
