you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
