i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
