I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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