He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night