Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

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(405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed. http://tfl.nu/cgfh

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(925): View more from California

just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.

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(925): just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/ybk3

Replies (61) Good night (4086) Bad night (1301)
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(516): View more from New York

Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.

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(516): Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network. http://tfl.nu/5cas

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(407): View more from Florida

It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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(407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.

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(630): Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI. http://tfl.nu/qdh3

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(906): View more from Michigan

Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?

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(906): Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over? http://tfl.nu/2cvh

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(208): View more from Idaho

You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?

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(208): You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right? http://tfl.nu/dxzt

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(864): View more from South Carolina

It's official drugs can't kill me

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(864): It's official drugs can't kill me http://tfl.nu/v797

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(425): View more from Washington

So that wine I told you about is vile...

(360): View more from Washington

That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?

(425): View more from Washington

Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.

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(425): So that wine I told you about is vile... (360): That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it? (425): Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something. http://tfl.nu/ggqv

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(503): View more from Oregon

Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?

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(503): Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week? http://tfl.nu/t1cs

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(705): View more from Ontario

There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!

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(705): There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!! http://tfl.nu/7xwk

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(716): View more from New York

Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??

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(716): Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again?? http://tfl.nu/md65

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.

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(732): We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man. http://tfl.nu/m7bs

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(309): View more from Illinois

I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON

(309): View more from Illinois

THE MOOOOOOOON

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(309): I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON (309): THE MOOOOOOOON http://tfl.nu/ew4x

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(757): View more from Virginia

Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going

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(757): Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going http://tfl.nu/lq75

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