I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.