I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
