It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"