Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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  (516): I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume http://tfl.nu/0r2u
  Replies (47) Good night (2054) Bad night (4432)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

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  (317): if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught http://tfl.nu/rq68
  Replies (13) Good night (4915) Bad night (827)
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  (315): View more from New York

  he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...

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  (315): he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear... http://tfl.nu/9by5
  Replies (19) Good night (4452) Bad night (1957)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?

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  (434): because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july? http://tfl.nu/9gcl
  Replies (43) Good night (6930) Bad night (1008)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.

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  (540): Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza. http://tfl.nu/9mae
  Replies (11) Good night (780) Bad night (3920)
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  (347): View more from New York

  He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

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  (347): He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones. http://tfl.nu/swc2
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (2772)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.

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  (931): How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you. http://tfl.nu/giys
  Replies (7) Good night (3326) Bad night (1152)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid

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  (405): I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid http://tfl.nu/bd90
  Replies (6) Good night (1146) Bad night (732)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

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  (206): So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present... http://tfl.nu/f3rc
  Replies (8) Good night (575) Bad night (1439)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away

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  (303): theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away http://tfl.nu/plhs
  Replies (8) Good night (601) Bad night (2116)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

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  (303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k
  Replies (13) Good night (600) Bad night (1600)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...

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  (910): Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history... http://tfl.nu/c2a0
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (417)
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  (559): View more from California

  I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.

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  (559): I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs. http://tfl.nu/m1ws
  Replies (2) Good night (938) Bad night (441)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"

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  (817): On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem. (682): Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?" http://tfl.nu/7dka
  Replies (4) Good night (426) Bad night (280)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.

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  (717): He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire. http://tfl.nu/b1n8
  Replies (2) Good night (136) Bad night (296)

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