I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
