i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.