I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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