what if I'm pregnant?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.