I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups