i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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