Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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