i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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