Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
