I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You took a bar mat shot.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
