I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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