I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
