There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
