shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
