Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
