Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
