Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
