Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
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his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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