My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
FUCK WHALES
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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