I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....