She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
