You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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