Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
