This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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