My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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