some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
