if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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