Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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