New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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