I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ladies don't puke and tell
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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