So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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