thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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