Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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