i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize