in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
