hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
