that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
