Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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