just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
