i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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