Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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