yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
