In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
