I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
