I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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