So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
