i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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