I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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